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Friday, June 1, 2007

Fragile

Looking out my kitchen window, I see the rain running off the leaves and branches of our plum tree, striking the blades of grass, and pooling in the freshly turned soil where I sowed seeds just last week. I strain my eyes, trying to distinguish if any new seedlings have emerged, or if only the sparse weeds I had not pulled are showing. I see those weeds, giggling at their mischievous reappearance, and promise to pull them as soon as the ground dries. I need to inspect more closely to determine if the seeds have germinated.
New life amazes me - it is so fragile, yet so full of promise. Anything could happen. It could wither and die, or grow into something beautiful. This blog is fragile - in need of nurture and attention to save it from the Internet graveyard of dead blogs.
Every thing has a beginning. Everything, that is, except God. What an amazing creator who loves new things, who loves art and beauty, and who has such eclectic taste!
Psalm 90:2 (NIV) - Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the
earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Push through

The hardest trials and deepest pains require constant pressure. I remember delivering my last baby - the nurse said, "just push through the pain." I believed I was ripping apart. I knew my reward was coming.
I've pushed through many things: heartache, finals week, physical exertion (see above), kitchen remodeling, and more. Now I've come to another trial - financial disharmony and the strain it places on our nerves, sanity, strength, and patience with each other and with the world.
Just push through - that's what I need to do. Focus on resolving my problems and on correcting my habits. I believe we are strained to the max. I know God has better plans.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Changeling

After reading Jane Eyre, I noticed a plethora of similarities between her and me - at 19, I found myself a malleable, adaptable individual with developing tastes and a strong desire to be loved. I preferred internal beauty to external, especially in men. My affections fixated on men of intelligence and moral character with rough exteriors. I found the one whom my soul loved, a man that I respected deeply, and married him.
Now I find myself with the perfect life I envisioned - a loving husband, a comfortable abode, a helpful and adventurous son, and an affectionate baby boy. I struggle with wanting more - more friends, more clothes, more money, more freedom, more silence, more time. God has blessed me, and now I feel the call to good stewardship.
Often I am overwhelmed by His blessings, feeling my inadequacy to maintain - much less develop - the wealth He gives me. I know what I need to do, but struggle with the will to do it. God's promise to "not tempt me beyond what I am able to bear" seems harsh - what I am able to bear often exceeds what I am able to bear comfortably. God teaches me patience by stretching it, and He continues to provide new blessings as my patience grows.
I am a changeling - between who I was and who God wants me to be.
Phil 1:6 NKJV "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has
begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus
Christ;"