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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Push through

The hardest trials and deepest pains require constant pressure. I remember delivering my last baby - the nurse said, "just push through the pain." I believed I was ripping apart. I knew my reward was coming.
I've pushed through many things: heartache, finals week, physical exertion (see above), kitchen remodeling, and more. Now I've come to another trial - financial disharmony and the strain it places on our nerves, sanity, strength, and patience with each other and with the world.
Just push through - that's what I need to do. Focus on resolving my problems and on correcting my habits. I believe we are strained to the max. I know God has better plans.

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Changeling

After reading Jane Eyre, I noticed a plethora of similarities between her and me - at 19, I found myself a malleable, adaptable individual with developing tastes and a strong desire to be loved. I preferred internal beauty to external, especially in men. My affections fixated on men of intelligence and moral character with rough exteriors. I found the one whom my soul loved, a man that I respected deeply, and married him.
Now I find myself with the perfect life I envisioned - a loving husband, a comfortable abode, a helpful and adventurous son, and an affectionate baby boy. I struggle with wanting more - more friends, more clothes, more money, more freedom, more silence, more time. God has blessed me, and now I feel the call to good stewardship.
Often I am overwhelmed by His blessings, feeling my inadequacy to maintain - much less develop - the wealth He gives me. I know what I need to do, but struggle with the will to do it. God's promise to "not tempt me beyond what I am able to bear" seems harsh - what I am able to bear often exceeds what I am able to bear comfortably. God teaches me patience by stretching it, and He continues to provide new blessings as my patience grows.
I am a changeling - between who I was and who God wants me to be.
Phil 1:6 NKJV "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has
begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus
Christ;"