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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Changeling

After reading Jane Eyre, I noticed a plethora of similarities between her and me - at 19, I found myself a malleable, adaptable individual with developing tastes and a strong desire to be loved. I preferred internal beauty to external, especially in men. My affections fixated on men of intelligence and moral character with rough exteriors. I found the one whom my soul loved, a man that I respected deeply, and married him.
Now I find myself with the perfect life I envisioned - a loving husband, a comfortable abode, a helpful and adventurous son, and an affectionate baby boy. I struggle with wanting more - more friends, more clothes, more money, more freedom, more silence, more time. God has blessed me, and now I feel the call to good stewardship.
Often I am overwhelmed by His blessings, feeling my inadequacy to maintain - much less develop - the wealth He gives me. I know what I need to do, but struggle with the will to do it. God's promise to "not tempt me beyond what I am able to bear" seems harsh - what I am able to bear often exceeds what I am able to bear comfortably. God teaches me patience by stretching it, and He continues to provide new blessings as my patience grows.
I am a changeling - between who I was and who God wants me to be.
Phil 1:6 NKJV "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has
begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus
Christ;"

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